What Friends Can Do

What Friends Can Do to Help:

Listen, do not interrupt when they are telling their story to you, and
let them cry if they need to; give them a hug. Most people are afraid of silence in a conversation but at this time embrace it.

Helping your friend, family member, or co-worker who has been diagnosed with breast cancer is a frightening task because we may be afraid of what to do or what to say to that person.

People DO want help.

There really is not much to say except that you are sorry this has happened
to them. As well, that you are there to help support them through it.

Some other do’s and dont’s:

Don’t say, "What can I do to help?" Instead, offer something tangible like
the following:

• I’m going to come over and clean your kitchen (do your laundry, etc)

• I’m available to do the following things: baby-sit, cook, pick up
  groceries, take the car in to get serviced, drive the kids to school
  etc.

• I’m going to bring you something for dinner (or for the freezer). What day would work best? Is there anything that sounds particularly good right now or that you don’t have a taste for?

• Don’t say "I have read about this great cancer treatment and I think
  you should try it." Ask the patient if she would like some information
  you have come across, then make her a copy only if the answer is ’yes’. Do not go back and question whether she read the information or place any pressure on your friend.

• If you are a friend or family member of someone diagnosed with breast cancer form a team of people to do various things such as:

• Organize a food brigade.

• Offer to serve as a central clearinghouse for someone not feeling up to much talking. Friends can call you for an update instead of bothering the patient.

• Organize a phone tree so that if your friend is hospitalized or her
  condition suddenly changes, important people are notified. Be understanding if your friend cannot take your phone call.

• Support your friend’s family with occasional phone calls

• If you have a special skill, such as make-up application or massage, offer to give your friend a mini makeover or a relaxation massage.

• Never underestimate the effect of cards and phone calls. You may send random encouraging cards, or commit to a regular schedule of sending cards.
• Be open and realistic about what you can and can’t do.